Ways To Annoy People: The Mall
by SamanthaReese
Summary: The sixth installment to my "Ways To Annoy People" series. In this one, Dave Rossi does some very annoying things while at the mall.
1. Parrots

**Hey lovelies! It's time for the sixth installment of my "Ways To Annoy People" series. Here's a recap of what has happened so far. Derek Morgan pranked some restaurants. Penelope Garcia pulled some pranks while on an airplane. Emily Prentiss, along with some help from Clyde Easter, pulled some pranks while in a movie theater. Aaron Hotchner with the help of his son, Jack, pulled some pranks while vacationing in Hawaii. And Spencer Reid pulled some pranks in an elevator. Coming up in this fic, we've got Dave Rossi, pulling some pranks at the local mall in D.C. Hope you'll all enjoy it! Oh and by the way, this first chapter is probably rated T because of some of the language.**

 **Disclaimer: Dave Rossi doesn't belong to me, but everyone else in this chapter, does!**

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 **"Boredom is an emptiness filled with insistence." ~Leo Stein**

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Dave Rossi was sitting in his favorite recliner, with a glass of red wine in his hands, occasionally sipping it. He was beginning to get very bored just sitting there and was in desperate need of something to do. Finally, after sitting there for a couple of minutes, he got an idea.

He finished the rest of his glass of red wine. After that, he stood up and walked to the kitchen, carefully placing the glass into the sink. He then went to put on a pair of shoes and retrieve his car keys. He decided to drive his 1968 baby blue convertible to wherever it was he was going.

Rossi pulled into the parking lot of the local shopping mall in D.C. He put the top on the convertible and stepped out it, locking it in the process. He then proceeded into a store called _**"The Wild Life"**_. It was a pet shop that sold various animals.

In one area of the store, there was a cage with four parrots in it. He got close to the cage and whispered something to each parrot. After he was done whispering to them, he stepped back and waited. Soon, a group of people walked by.

"Damn! Girl back that ass up and let me smack it for you!" One parrot shouted.

"You bastard! You killed my pal, Diego!" Another parrot shouted.

"Get back here you piece of shit! I'm going to kick your ass all over this place!" A third parrot shouted.

"Son of a bitch! Can't a bird get some peace and quiet around here, for crying out loud?!" The fourth parrot shouted.

Shocked at why they had just heard, the entire group stopped and just stared at the parrots in stunned silence. Rossi stood in the back ground, trying not to laugh. It was absolute silence until a little girl of about eight years old, spoke.

"Mommy, I think those birds are saying bad words."

"Yes, they are and I don't want you repeating them. You understand me, Stella?" The mother gave her little girl a stern look.

"Yeah." Stella replied back. "Are we still getting one?"

"No sweetheart. They're saying bad words. I don't want you having one as a pet."

"But mommy! You promised I could have a pet bird!" Stella whined as she stamped her foot.

"Well, I've changed my mind, now. How about we buy you a nice fluffy bunny rabbit, instead?" The mother was desperately trying to drag her little girl away from the parrots.

"I don't want a bunny rabbit! I want one of those birds!"

Rossi felt bad for the little girl not being able to get a pet parrot like she had wanted, but not bad enough to admit he was the reason for the parrots newfound language. _"Eh… she can always get one, somewhere else. It's not like this is the only place that sells parrots."_ He thought to himself and then smiled as he listened to the parrots continue to repeat themselves of their new phrases as more people continued to walk by.

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 **End of chapter one. Please leave me some reviews. Good or bad, but not too cruel, please. I'll have chapter two up as soon as possible.**


	2. Mannequin

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed for chapter one. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: Rossi isn't mine, but everyone else in this chapter does belong to me. And the store is also mine. It's purely fictional.**

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After the little incident at the pet shop, Rossi decided it was time for another prank. He left that place and continued on into a another store in the mall called _**"Rockin' Style"**_. While there, he purchased a pair of blue jeans with a green buttoned up shirt, a black blazer, and a pair of black dress boots. He then purchased some pancake makeup.

After he had paid for his items, he went into the restroom of the store and changed into his new outfit, putting the makeup on, afterwards. He poked his head out the door to see if the coast was clear for him to exit. When he didn't see anyone, he slowly walked out of the restroom and stood a few feet away from a fashion mannequin. With all that pancake makeup on, Rossi could pass as a fashion mannequin.

He stood perfectly still with his legs slightly apart and his hands on his hips. He just stood there and wait patiently for someone to walk by. Fortunately for him, he didn't have to wait too long because a couple of young women walked by. Without warning, he let out a very loud scream, "AHHHHH!"

Startled, the two women jumped. They then threw Rossi an angry glare. Rossi held his pose as a fashion mannequin and did his best to ignore the two women, and trying not to smile or laugh. The two women walked away and he waited for his next victim. Not long after the two women had walked away, a young teenage boy was approaching. As soon as he got close, Rossi let out another scream, "AHHHHHH!"

"Son of a bitch!" The boy cursed under his breath and then walked away. Rossi could tell that not only was the boy angry, but also afraid. He couldn't help, but crack a small smile.

A few moments later, Rossi was still standing there and waiting for someone else to walk by. Finally, a group of middle aged women approached. Rossi let out another one of his screams, "AHHHHH!"

Nearly all of the women screamed. A few of them ran and one of them started hitting Rossi with her handbag and unfortunately for Rossi, it wasn't a light one. Whatever was in that handbag, it made it heavy, but he just stood there, not moving and not making a sound, just proudly taking the beating. After the woman had finished hitting Rossi, she walked away with her friends.

A smile spread across Rossi mouth and he let out a small laugh as he watched the women storm away, in an angry fashion. He then walked away and was going towards the restroom. He was done with this prank and was already planning for his next one.

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 **End of chapter two. Please leave me some reviews. You know I love them! I'll have chapter three up as soon as possible.**


	3. Hula Dancing Makes Everyone Happy!

**A/N:Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed for the previous chapter. I greatly appreciate it. Anyway here is chapter three. I hope you all like it.**

 **A/N: David Rossi belongs to CBS/Criminal Minds. I wish he were mine, but sadly he just cannot be. However, everyone else in this chapter, are my creation.**

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People were staring with confused looks on their faces. They had stopped what they were doing to watch what was happening before them. None of them could really believe what they were witnessing. They wanted to take their eyes elsewhere, but found it very difficult to do so. There were a few whispers among the crowd.

"What in the world is that guy doing?!" One girl whispered to a friend.

"I don't know. Maybe he's going through a mid-life crisis or something?" Her friend whispered back to her.

Rossi stood in front of the demonstration air conditioner, with a grass skirt over his jeans, a coconut bra over his shirt and flower wreathe over his head. He was hula dancing. He could hear the whispering concerns that people had for him, but he really didn't care about them. This was all just another one of his pranks.

"Are you video recording this?! Don't do that?! That's rude!" Rossi heard a young woman whisper to a young man.

"Ah! Take video pictures, please! I want to be in movies someday! Maybe this will finally get me recognized!" Rossi pleaded in some accent that wasn't his own.

The young woman just looked at her male friend and shrugged her shoulders. Rossi continued on with his little dance as everyone either continued to whisper about him or take pictures.

"Isn't it a beautiful day to dance?!" Rossi asked.

There were a few people who nodded their heads in 'yes' motions, while many others just stood there and stared. Most of them really didn't know what to say or what to do.

"Come join me and dance! Don't be afraid! You know you want to! Hula dancing makes everyone happy! Rossi happily stated.

Rossi was actually shocked to see a small group of teens who looked like those you'd see outside on skateboards, join him in hula dancing. He didn't let the shock show, though. He just continued to dance along with the teens. Finally after a few minutes of hula dancing, Rossi bid the crowd a farewell.

"It has been a great pleasure, sharing my hula dancing skills with all of you, but now must be going! Farewell, farewell my newfound friends!"

Everyone continued to stare as he hula danced, right on out of there. The teens were still there and dancing. Rossi looked back and could tell that they were enjoying themselves as they were all smiling and laughing.

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 **End of chapter three. Please leave me some reviews. I'll have chapter four up as soon as possible.**


	4. Wrong Number

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed for chapter three. I really appreciate it. Anyway, here is chapter four. Hope you all enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: Nope, David Rossi still isn't mine. He belongs to CBS/Criminal Minds. However, every other character in this chapter is mine. And so are the names of the stores. They're just purely fictional.**

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After he had hula danced in front of nearly everyone in the mall, Rossi was back in his regular clothes. The grass skirt, coconut bra and flower wreath headwear had been tossed aside somewhere. He had been walking around in a clothing store called **_"Starr Lane."_**

He wasn't going to purchase anything from there. He was just bored out of his mind, thinking of what to do, next. After a few moments of aimlessly wandering about, he got an idea when he walked by a ringing, unattended service phone. With a smirk, he picked the phone up and said, "Vicente's Pizza Parlor. How may I help you?... No this is not a clothing store. This is a pizza place. We sell pizzas here. Now are you going to order something or not?... No?... Well okay. Bye then." Rossi hung up the phone before the other person was able to say anything else.

He stood by the phone and waited patiently for it to ring again. It was nearly ten minutes before it rang. Once again, Rossi picked it up and said, "Secret Obsessions. Tell me you deepest desires and I'll find the perfect mate for you. … Of course this isn't _**"Starr Lane"**_!... You already have a mate?... Well, why'd you call us, then?!... Obviously you did call the wrong number!" Rossi hung up before the other person could say another word.

It was probably about twenty minutes until the phone rang, again. With a smirk, Rossi picked it up and spoke into it. "Master Leo's Fortune Telling. Would you like me to tell your future?... No you've got the wrong number. We don't sell clothes here, but I do see clothes in your future. Now How about I tell you…. Hello? Hello? Are you still there?!"

The person on the other end of the phone had quickly hung up.

"Hmm… Guess she didn't want to know more about her future." Rossi suggested to himself. He then waited for the phone to ring, again.

A few minutes passed, until the phone starting ringing again. Rossi let it ring a couple more times before finally answering it. "Rats Learn. We teach pesky rodents knew tricks. …. No, why would we sell clothing here?... Ma'am, you need to calm down. You're the one who dialed the wrong numb…"

Rossi felt a tapping on his shoulder. He turned around to see a young blonde haired and hazel eyed man looking at him with his arms crossed. The man was wearing what every employee in the store was wearing.

"Sir, this phone is for employee use only. It isn't there for you to have fun with."

"Who said I was having fun with it? Nobody else was around to take the calls, so I figured I might as well. I was just trying to help the callers with what they needed." Rossi said, innocently as he then strode away before the employee had another chance to speak.

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 **End of chapter four. Please leave me some reviews. I'd love to know your opinions about it. Chapter five will be up as soon as possible. By the way, in case you didn't notice it, "Rats Learn" is an anagram of "Starr Lane".**


	5. Have You Seen This Man?

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the fourth chapter. I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy chapter five, just as much.**

 **Disclaimer: David Rossi is the property of CBS/Criminal Minds. He's not mine. However, all other characters in this chapter, are my creation.**

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After the whole incident in _**"Starr Lane"**_ , Rossi decided to stop by the food court and get something to eat. He sat alone in a small booth, eating his meal and thinking of what kind of prank to pull, next. He looked over and saw a couple sitting at a small table, nearby. It was then that he got an idea.

Finishing his meal, Rossi then stood up and walked over to the couple. His driver's license was in his hand.

"Excuse me, but I need to ask you something. Have either of you seen this man?"

Both the man and woman gave Rossi a look as if he were insane. They were both silent for a moment until the woman spoke.

"Um… Sir, that man in the picture is you. I think you're showing us your driver's license?"

Rossi looked at his driver's license and feigned embarrassment. "Oops! Guess I grabbed the wrong one. Well, carry on with your meal and have a lovely day." He walked away.

Rossi continued to walk through out the mall, just searching for the right people to prank. Finally, he approached a middle aged man and held up his driver's license.

"Excuse me, sir. I have a very important question. Have you seen this man?"

"That man is you." The man continued to walk away.

"Thanks for your time and cooperation!" Rossi shouted as the man just waved back.

Deciding that he didn't want to walk any further, Rossi stood right there in that spot and just waited for people to walk by. It was a few moments until a group of college aged women walked by with handfuls of shopping bags.

"Excuse, me ladies, but I need to ask you a very important question." Rossi approached the women who had now stopped walking to see what he wanted.

He held up his driver's license and asked "Have any of you seen this man?"

Laughing nervously, the women hurriedly walked away.

"I'll take that as a 'no'!" Rossi shouted.

Not longer after the group of college aged women had walked by, a young woman with a child, was walking by when Rossi called after them.

"Excuse me, Miss. But I need to ask you a very important question." He held up his driver's license in front of the woman's face. The child was looking at it, too.

"That's you!" The child happily exclaimed to Rossi.

Rossi turned his driver's license around and studied it very carefully. The woman just waited for him to say something, finally he spoke.

"Wow, I guess you're right. It is me! Well, you two carry on with your lovely day!" Rossi happily exclaimed as the woman hurried away with her child in her arms. Clearly, she was a bit freaked out by Rossi's behavior.

Across from him, there were a few teenagers just standing there and talking to each other. Rather they walk over to him, Rossi decided to approach them, instead.

"Excuse me, kids, but I need to ask you a very important question. Have any or you seen this man?" He asked as he held up his driver's license.

The teens just looked at him, silently for a moment before one of them finally spoke.

"Dude, I think you're high or something." A boy said.

"What?! I have never done no such thing! Why would you even say that?!" Rossi pretended to be shocked as he held a hand to his chest.

"Because that man in the driver's license is you. You're showing us your driver's license." A girl explained.

Rossi turned his driver's license around and studied it before saying, "Eh… doesn't look like me. Well, you kids have obviously been no help at all!" He then stormed away, leaving the teens to just stare at him.

As he was walking, Rossi saw an elderly couple, standing near the fountain. He approached them and held up his driver's license, saying "Excuse me, but can I ask the two of you a question?"

"Yes." The elderly man and woman said in unison.

"Have either of you seen this man?"

The elderly man put on his glasses and grabbed Rossi's driver's license from him. He and his wife studied it, before looking at each other. The elderly man whispered to his wife, but Rossi didn't know what they were saying to each other.

"So, have you two seen him or not?" Rossi asked.

The elderly couple had strange looks on their faces when they turned the attention back to Rossi. The man handed him his driver's license back, saying "Yeah, we've seen him."

"Really?! Where?!"

"It's you! You're the man in the driver's license!" The woman said, frustrated.

"Whoa! There is no need for you to get snippy snappy with me!" Rossi said, defensively. "You two need to get your eyes checked.

"Sir, you not only need to have your eyes checked, but also your mind because I think you've lost it!" The man said.

"I'll do no such thing! My mind and eyes are perfectly fine!" Rossi stormed away, unknown to the elderly couple, he was smiling and laughing silently.

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 **End of chapter five. Send me some reviews! I'd love to know what you all thought! I just have one final chapter left of this story and I'll have it up as soon as possible.**


	6. The Voices!

**A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who read and reviewed for the previous chapter. I'm glad you all really liked it. Anyway, here is the final chapter for this story.**

 **Disclaimer: Nope, David Rossi does not belong to me. However, all other characters in this chapter are my creation.**

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After showing people his driver's license and asking whether they've seen him or not, Rossi decided to do a little shopping while he thought of one last prank to pull on people. He was in a store called _**"D.C. Fashion"**_ , looking at a rack of suits. He decided he could use a couple of new suits.

He chose a couple of black suits. He then decided to check out the ties and bow ties. After a couple minutes of trying to decide what he wanted, he made his choice. Choosing a dark blue tie and a red bow tie, Rossi was satisfied with his choices. He then decided to pay for his items. He still hadn't come up with the perfect final prank.

After leaving _**"D.C. Fashion"**_ , Rossi went into another store called _**"Temple Of Antiques"**_. As he was looking around to see what he could purchase, a voice came on over the loud speaker and Rossi finally decided on the perfect final prank.

"ATTENTION SHOPPERS! WOULD THE OWNER OF THE RED MINI VAN PLEASE MOVE IT OUT OF THE NO PARKING ZONE?! IT'S ABOUT TO BE TOWED!" The voice said.

"AH! The voices… the voices… make them stop!" Rossi shouted as he covered his ears and fell to his knees.

Everyone stared at him as if he had just dropped in from another planet. A man cautiously approached him and knelt down to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Sir? Are you alright?" The man asked with a look of concern in his eyes.

"Do you hear the voices too?!" Rossi whispered.

"That's just the loud speaker. Everyone can hear it." The man explained.

"Ah! Everyone's going crazy!" Rossi stood and ran out of the place, leaving everyone to just stand there and stare at him in disbelief.

Rossi's next destination was a store called _**"Seasons"**_. He casually walked around, looking at items and silently praying the loud speaker would come on. About fifteen minutes later as he was checking the price tag on a pair of jeans, a voice came on over the loud speaker.

"ATTENTION SHOPPERS! WE ARE HAVING A PRIZE DRAWING OF TWO TICKETS TO ARGENTINA! IF YOU WOULD LIKE YOUR NAME IN THE RAFFLE, PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT OF THE MALL! THANK YOU!"

Again, Rossi shouted "Ah! The voices… the voices… make them stop!" as he covered his ears and fell to his knees.

Many people stared at him with scared expressions on their faces. A few people warily approached him. There was some silence, until a young woman spoke.

"You okay?" She asked.

"I just wish the voices would stop!" Rossi whispered.

"You talking about the voice on the loud speaker?" A man asked.

"Yes! Yes, that's the one! You can hear it too?!"

"Sir, we can all hear that. The entire building can." Another man said.

"Ah! This is not good! This is not good!" Rossi ran out of the place, shouting.

After running out of _**"Season"**_ , Rossi decided that he would do the prank, one last time. Rather than find a store to go in and wait, he chose to just walk throughout the mall and just wait for the loud speaker to come on again. It was a good forty to forty five minutes until a voice came on over the loud speaker.

"ATTENTION SHOPPERS! WOULD THE OWNER OF THE GREEN SPORTS CAR IN ROW ELEVEN, PLEASE ATTEND TO YOUR CAR?! YOU LEFT YOUR HEADLIGHTS ON! THANK YOU!"

As if right on cue, Rossi covered his ears, shouting "Ah! The voices…. the voices… make the stop!" and he dropped to his knees.

"Mommy! What's wrong with man?!" A little girl asked.

"Farrah, it isn't nice to point." The mother scolded her child.

"But mommy, I just wanted to know what's wrong with him!" The child whined.

A man bravely approached Rossi and with a look of concern, he asked, "Sir, can I get you some help?"

"NO! No one can help me! No one can stop the voices! They're everywhere! " Rossi ran out of the mall, shouting, leaving everyone in shock and disbelief.

When Rossi got into his vehicle, he could no longer contain it, he let out a loud fit of laughter. He knew that he had really freaked out quite a few people. _"They all probably think I'm some escaped lunatic from the mental institution!"_ He thought to himself as he then drove away.

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 **Well, we've reached the end of this fic, but don't worry, there's more to the "Ways To Annoy People" series. I absolutely had a great time with this fic, even though it was probably my shortest one. Now please, could you all review for this final chapter. I'd love to know what you all thought about it. In my next "Annoying Ways" fic, we've got Ashley Seaver pulling some pranks. I'll have it posted as soon as possible.**


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